sometimes i feel like i'm a boring person. i'm very unsure of myself, and very self conscious in social interaction. i hate meeting people for the first time, i don't like being in situations where i don't know anyone, and i don't like feeling like i'm letting people down when i don't have a list of fun things to do. when i was little, i had maybe 3 friends. in elementary school, if i wasn't with sydney and ashley on the swings, i would be sitting alone against a wall or a pole, reading. i would play by myself a lot. i would take bike rides alone. i pretty much kept to myself. in jr high, i knew a lot more people, but i was just that girl that tagged along. it wasn't until i was in highschool and joined marching band (first day of band camp was a serious anxiety attack) that i made "real" friends. the last two and a half years, i've managed to meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends. i force the panic to the back of my mind and put on a cool front.

but isn't that hypocracy?

putting on a mask to cover what i truly am?

i'm just a scared girl, who wants to not make too many waves, or have too many people staring at her. one that is completely uncomfortable in her body, and discontent with what and how God has made her to be.

so sometimes, i fake it.

i've been trying not to the past months. more than ever before. but sometimes...i feel like no matter what i do...no one will like me for who i am.

that's a serious issue, and believe me, i'm not letting it go unattended.