my anxiety level is skyrocketing today. 5 hours of sleep, 2 cups of coffee, and a nice sized emotional workload is taking it's toll early this weekend.

you know that feeling in your chest that you get when you feel guilty? like...the heaviness, the racing heart, and the nausea thats not quite strong enough to make you vomit, but enough to make you feel uncomfortable? i think people call it being "heart-sick". my [emotional] heart is heavy.

somehow, i'm feeling like this more and more lately. a two years ago...i felt like this all the time. it was the feeling that made me call in sick, that made me stay in bed all day. i don't have that luxury any more (though i wouldnt want to necessarily call it a luxury...i just don't know what else i could call it). I no longer have an excuse to behave in such a manner. I know better than to listen to the lies my own heart tries to decieve me with.

but even though i know better than to listen to it, it doesn't mean i'm not feeling it. i don't know how to just make it go away. prayer and time, that's the only solution. but man, does it SUCK.