on god i rest

the words playing through my mind right now are "oh my soul, oh my stubborn soul! won't you wait on Him? wait in the quiet. even in your fear, oh, your god is here to lean on! he won't move!"

God answers prayers. duh. and everyone always says "God will answer your prayers, even if you don't like the answer!" and they say it so dang flippantly. i wish they would say it with more menace, and more truth, and more warning!

because though i prayed for God to show me the idols I have made in my heart, to show me my selfishness and pride, I didn't expect the answer to be so painful. to realize things, to struggle through things, yes. i expected that. but to be shown a adulteress, and to be shown completely against what God has been asking me to be, that was NOT what i was expecting.

its not just the pain of hurting the One who loves me most that i'm feeling. that pain, i know, will continue to grow. and i HOPE it grows, so that i have NO desire to ever again replace God in my heart with something else, something cheaper. but the sting of my torn pride, the pain in my stomach of a sad heart that doesn't understand what went wrong...thats there too.

i feel so emo, but i know i'm not. i dare you to try to call me emo. i'm not because I know that no matter how sad I get, how upset I am, GOD is my fortress, and he will not be shaken! he is my mighty rock and refuge, my stronghold! my glorious lover and savior! HE will not leave me! I KNOW He wont!

James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings. Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have {its} perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, {being} a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man {is to glory} in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away. james 1:1-11

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to {His} purpose." Romans 8:28

"You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES." Hebrews 12:4-6


"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. "Hebrews 12:11