psalm 23

that's what we went through tonight. the lord is my shepherd, and i shall not want. its a crazy craaaazy concept. makes me think of matthew 6. about how we worry SO MUCH about everything and forget that GOD will be the one to provide! I'm so scared of not getting what I think I need...of not getting what i really WANT in life. From knowing where I'll be in 10 years, to knowing who my husband is (if i even ever get married). Me and Sandi were talking after prayer tonight, and the thought was...if God is sovereign, we know He knows what He's doing. And my fear is that i won't get married. I fear that pretty much above a lot of other things. And what scares me is that....I don't want to be 35 and unmarried and still wondering "is god going to give me a husband?" because, he may never! He may be wanting me to be single! and i need to find contentment in that! sure, you can scoff and say "you're only 21 why are you worrying about that, you're young!!" But honestly...there are no guarentees in life. Only at Target and Costco (they take ANYTHING back). I need to learn to be content with what God is giving me here and now, and a good steward of that, and to look ahead ONLY to Christ's return and beyond. this life is temporal....Eternity is, well, eternity. go figure. so...learning how to give things over to God, figuring out what that LOOKS like...is kind of stupid and dumb and hard. yes i said stupid and dumb. because, its advice that we throw out. "give it to god" "pray about it" blah blah blah. what does that even MEAN?! HOW do i do that?!

that's what i'm trying to figure out. blehhhh i'm going to be SO tired when i wake up in 4 hours.