God's Pursuit of Man

I just started reading it this morning, and I'm only a chapter in, but it's already blowing my mind. A.W. Tozer is a scholar and a gentleman.

I don't understand the way I function. I read something amazing, I listen to a fiery sermon, I have a great conversation with a friend, and I get so excited to learn and hungry for more. And then a day later, an hour later, the feeling is gone. I get this huge compelling need to grow and seek after righteousness, and then I get distracted once more by "life." This isn't life that I'm living. It's a hollow shadow of true life, a poor substitute for what is actually LIVING. I don't want a mountaintop high any more, I want a true desire to be ignited that will last at all times.

I remember how I felt after coming back from Romania. I was so ready to just get rid of everything holding me back and just GO somewhere. Then I realized I needed to be equipped better than I was, and so I went back to EBC instead of just selling my possessions and moving to a foreign country. And looking back, it would have been unwise to just move, for where I was at spiritual and mentally. But now I feel like though I've aquired all this head-knowledge, I've lost that passion. I still want to be a missionary. No, correction, I don't want to be a missionary. Missionary is a word people made up for those who decided to be obedient to God's word.

I WANT TO BE OBEDIENT.

If that means this year I move, or next year, or 5 years from now, then so be it. Even if that means I stay in Simi my whole life and fire others up about going, so be it. But I want that fire back in my own heart. And lately, because of God working through people in my life, I feel it coming back. It's so good.

I just hope that I don't get waylaid by well-intentioned Christians who have some idea about a "calling" and encouraging me to "follow [my] heart". To HELL with those ideas-I don't want to follow MY heart. I want to follow GODS HEART, which obviously is FOR THE NATIONS. I don't want to wait for a voice in the darkness telling me where to go or what to do-because that means i've waited to long and God is finally having to yell at me what He has all along been telling me through Scripture.

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Song lyrics | Burn Us Up lyrics