To the choirmaster: according to The Gittith.[fn1] A Psalm of the Sons of Korah.

How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!

My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.

Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.[fn2]

As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!

For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!


Psalm 84

that's what is holding me back. i'm so unsure of what God has made me to be, how I should act now that my life is found IN CHRIST and not in myself. My identity has changed, and i don't know how to fully live out who I am.

as disheartening as that is, its also exciting. i'm EXCITED to find out how God wants me to live! I'm STOKED (for lack of a better term) to embrace my new identity, to live it out, to be a light, to be a mover and a shaker of today. because that is what Christ calls us all to do. cast aside our ideas and ideals, our plans and wishes, and to align ourselves with HIM. He is jealous for his Glory, for His Name.
--

i started out today being really down. and i'm still struggling with feeling that way, but at the same time, i'm totally at peace and joyful at where God has me right now.

something stupid is going on.

because of the mental block ive had for so many years, it was keeping me from being able to communicate with someone i want very much to be able to communicate with. last night, i spent a good few hours chipping away at it, and most of today has been spent doing the same. after talking to my dad (who is amazing at giving an objective perspective on anything), and reading about WHO God has made me to be and how he has made me to function...i realized how lame i've been, and how much of that was my fault. i look forward to figuring this all out.

it's a shame about how much satan uses a sin that we don't even think about or recognize to slap us around when we dont expect it.