i moved out of my parents house again today. right now, i'm sitting in ben and nicoles apartment being cuddled by their cats while they are visiting ben's family in chicago. me and my mom had a disagreement, and she said a lot of really hurtful things and proceeded to tell me to leave the house. my parents have called me 15 ish times since 2:00 pm, trying to get me to come back home. i know i need to reconcile what happened, but honestly, this is almost an answer to prayer. im not going back to moorpark college. i'm not going back to living with them. i am going to find a job and a place to live, and im going to find a way to make amends with my mom. but i can't live there again. it hasn't been working, and i dont think it ever will again. i love my parents so much, but with everything going on with my sister...i just can't handle being the scapegoat. i know my mom is sorry for what she said, and i hate hurting her, but honestly, its better if we don't live in the same house. there's too much tension and i can't handle it any more.

i'm going to get a job. nicole said i can take her's working with her mom at her mom's daycare. and, she mentioned some other stuff that if it happens, it will be a huge blessing.

wasabe, their black cat, is kneading my stomach and pushing his face into my mouth. i think he likes me, but his claws don't feel good in my abdomen. hah.

i'm not going to speak to my parents for a while. i have enough clothing to get me through the week, and i have enough gas in my car to do that as well. i have $71 to my name. i may have to hock my camera at the pawn shop if i don't have enough $, but i know God will provide for me so i'm not worried.

this is a great chance to step back and re-evaluate my life and what the heck i am doing with it.

pray that i keep a clear head and act prayerfully in my next decisions.